He blew his mind out with a kind of drunkenness, or sleep deprivation, or simple distraction.
Or was it a kind of duel personality, the one who lives and the one that survives.
I call these two parts of myself the Philosopher and the Animal:
Philosopher: I must practice restraint and give up desire, for it is prudent to learn from aversion and do no harm.
Animal: I want what I want, give me it now, I need to eat!
P: I see it is wise to be a good neighbor like I strive to be good to myself. To me, the good life means to use proper impressions that do no harm.
A: I will it, now, I will kill or die for it now.
P: You can be my friend but do not try to kill me or I will be forced to restrain you.
A: I am cunning and will not kill you, now what will you give me?
P: I can not bargain with you my friend, but I will not harm you and will help you from harming yourself or others.
A: Then you are in my debt. You can pay me with your life and then I will take everything.
P: I am sure you will try, but for my part, I am grateful for my life and that is why I am grateful to have you as a friend.
My debt is the job of the animal.
My will is the job of the philosopher.
To find a balance between these parts of myself is my ultimate challenge.
I believe we need to collaborate and cooperate with these two selves to learn to live, laugh and love.