Chilling Out

Looking out for number one.

Trying too hard to work things out:

Too hot to work out, too cold to make things right.

Hiding the truth, by doing too much, being too hard and serious, too many heart beats, too scared to live too scared to die.

I use to be able to sleep.  I use to make things feel okay.  I’m too busy being okay.  I’m too late to make something of myself.

But the shine will come again, I’ll feel better after laying back today.  I’ll have more fun tomorrow.  I’m thinking I’m ready to make a change.

Today my friend is rest and peace.  I like to scribble down my thoughts as I finish a hot cup.  I like to sit back in my captain’s chair and listen to some tunes.

I’m thinking about the lunch I’ll make and meals I’ll eat today.  I want to rest and read.  I want to get in the zone.  I plan to lie down and take a nap.  After, I will talk to my sister on the phone.

I wonder why she is looking at me.  What she means to me.  Where her heart is going when she moves away from me.  I think about her movement as I drink my coffee and listen to her words.

I hang up the phone and think about what people mean to me.  I don’t need to be up at 2 AM.  I don’t need winter.  But there are people here for the very same reason.  No one can find what to do.  But we all know how to breath.  We call out to each other and see so much truth and beauty.  We all repeat our silly habits.  We all know how to breath.  There is lots of light to see all we see.  2 AM is not a good time to read and write.  I feel like I am too bothered to sleep.  I look at all these people.  We just breath.  We all see.  There is lots of light to see.  Just be.  I’m free.

I’m tired of thinking about my life.  And all the things I want to do.  I need to stop and dream about what is best for me to do.

I just can’t take it.  I am ready to let go.  I am going to stop banging my head or fist against the door.  I just need to walk away and find another way.

Of all the things I believe in, I just need to do what I see in front of me.  I feel better after my rest and some play.  I know I’ve done good by people and myself.

It’s time to go back to the world and do what I do.  I found a way to take care of me and you.  I’m glad to talk with all of you.  It’s best when I take care of myself and chill out for the day.

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