Why Eclipse My Heart?

Being too set on someone or something is a passion for various reasons.

Blotting out or blacking out my heart could mean trouble.

I know I am obsessed when…

Why does it hurt so much when I get close to you?

I need to calm down if and when I get obsessive.

There are no simple answers, but letting go of impulsive behaviors are part of it.

And being aware of these negative behaviors allow me to feel through the passion and learn to respond without doing harm to myself or others.

Living with loneliness is painful. Avoiding pain makes one attract negative elements: excessive behaviors like isolation, chronic use of devices (computers, etc.), poor choices, and poor decisions.

I need to be good to myself and be with good people.

First Contact

Alien to me, you may fear me, I fear you.

Would it be presumptuous of me, to think you fear me?

I think not, you may have the same form, but your beliefs are different from mine.

I know we do not have the same ways.

Will you let me share one of my ways with you?

It’s funny, I sometimes forget how foreign people seem to me before we meet.

Speaking For Others Like Human Beings

You can not speak for me unless I give you permission.

It is the same for me, when I want to speak for you.

How can we learn to speak for one another?

First, we must learn each other's ways. Then we must find something in each other that we are willing to share.

When a friend shares his ways with another, it may led to brotherhood or sisterhood.

When, a friend shares their ways with an opposite, it may become a marriage.

When we learn to merge our thoughts and feelings they can led to friendship.

To be human is to connect with one another and learn to speak for one another.

Sexuality Rights

Giving fellatio to this guy at the bus terminal seems pornographic to me, even though it is a bit of a nightmare or dream.

I am a guy who happens to be straight, but is thinking about stuff like sex or gay sex. I admit to having a visceral reaction or being a bit homophobic to images of myself giving a stranger a 'blow job'.

A good friend of mine, who happened to be gay, use to say to me that he was vibrating, which meant he was scared and angry. Mostly, because of homophobics and arrogant mean people who would treat him like shit.

Pornography always hits me with hard gritty images of men and women or other combinations of people who are depicted in demeaning positions with fluids that look or 'drip off' onto various orifices and body parts. I'm usually 'never horny' enough to ignore the hate, angry, numb looks and fake smiles and disturbing lustful acts that run wild in these clips of vids and pics that are seen all over the internet.

I remember my best friend asking me to go with him to the 'Red Rooster', a gay club, with our girlfriends. I was in my early 20's and hadn't been exposed to a lot of the gay social scene, but my friend/social scientist thought he knew better. I guess it is good for a straight guy/couple double dating to be hit on at a gay night club in the mid 80's.

I think gay pride and pornography on the net are pretty mainstream in the late 2010's. Homophobia is still alive and needs to be outed in all its forms to make a safer place for people like my friend. I want to be a healthier sexual person like everybody else. I may not want gay sex and porn but there is room for many ways for people to express their sexuality.

I sum it up like this, I don't come from a touchy-feely family. But I am a compassionate man who believes there is room for all the curious ways people enjoy and express their sexuality in this world. I just am an advocate of consent and non-violence in the sex places around the globe.

Getting Ready…

Routine:  daily wake up (5AM), eat, dress, get out the door, waiting for the bus.

Work or chores, rain or shine, here or there.
Waiting:  on the bus, at the store or at the shop.

Thinking about what is best, how it works, when to rest.
Practising all the right moves, wheather Up or Down, in or out…

What is new?

No trouble? No worries.

Getting it done.  Day in and day out.
How important is it?

A good start is fundamental for being ready to take action :  live🙃

Being Happy or Not Being Happy?

#1, it is not a question.
We are all both.
We drift into and out of various states of happiness our whole life.
And, there is definitely lots of pain and suffering.

#2, always practice the attitude of happiness.
For example, I hate this job. But I am willing to be as happy about it that I can in this moment.
If it's really bad, create an exit strategy where your goal is to change i.e. Your job.

#3, Practice being both ways. Okay, I know I am cranky from lack of food, sex, sleep, etc. I will remember this or put it in the forefront of my mind and get to a safe place ASAP. GET SOMEWHERE PRIVATE, TAKE LOTS OF BREAKS, GET THROUGH THE DAY ANYWAY THAT IS SAFE, TAKE A NAP, EAT, AND BE PRACTICING AS MUCH HAPPINESS AS POSSIBLE THE WHOLE TIME.

Lastly, learn to live and love. And, none of us are perfect and only the very best in us will get us through the mess we create everyday. Always clean up after yourself. Being a human being is a very messy business.

Loosing A Lifetime

When something impressive alters your life,

The memory will be hard to forget.

Some will use play to occupy thinking about it.

Some will volunteer their time to noble organizations.

And more will drink alcohol .

Are you haunting yourself with something impressive?

Aren't we all?

Are you listening and watching to forget?

What guilt? What fear? What cowardice?

Are you hiding a failure?

A good reason to live is life.

A good reason to die is fighting for your own.

Especially, when you are willing to hide it away for its remainder.